With just a quick scroll through my social media accounts I see the asking has started. Countless pics fill my feed with creative ways my daughter’s friends have asked their dates for the upcoming Sadie Hawkins Fall Ball. Along with the “asks,” I hear chatter from the girls about their pre- and post-party plans.
Ugh. This isn’t how it should be. It’s not the girls who should be doing the asking and planning!
I know they don’t seem to mind and certainly the boys love it. I mean why wouldn’t they love getting asked to a dance by a pretty girl and getting off the hook of having it the other way around?!
But this is exactly the problem. A problem that will follow the boys and girls all the way in to their marriages. You may think that is a little extreme, but let me explain and then I’ld love to hear what you think.
Ladies (married, single or divorced), how often do you or did you get frustrated with your husband/date for not taking the initiative to plan something? Anything! It doesn’t need to be a fancy dinner out – maybe it’s just thinking to call a babysit, picking up dinner to-go or suggesting a night out with other friends.
Isn’t it nice if you do not always have to be the one to think and plan? Does it or wouldn’t it make you feel special? I think so.
But what are we doing to help our boys learn how to initiate, take a risk, ask a date, make plans – when the girls are always doing it for them?
Naturally, we females, like to control. We have good ideas and want to make plans – and so the world goes around. But then we blame our husbands for not ever doing anything, for being too passive or puppy dog-like. We want it both ways, whichever way is our way of the moment.
So, by allowing our boys to sit back and wait for the girls to take charge, what do you think is going to happen as they enter adulthood and marriages?
You got it – Wives who rule and want to, yet are frustrated their husbands won’t or don’t. Husbands who don’t know or think their wives need this because they are so used to letting them dominate. Yet I’m sure equally frustrated by their wives’ mixed signals. And these small annoyances often grow into serious issues pertaining to love and respect.
This is why I have a problem with the Sadie Hawkins-type dances. There are very few opportunities for our teenage boys, while under the roof of mom and dad, to be trained to step up to the plate. Why then do we take this seldom opportunity away from them when there is a formal or homecoming dance?
I want my sons to know it’s their job to initiate with a girl. They should be the pursuers, not her. They should be the ones to go in person or to pick up the phone (not text) to ask a girl to the dance. They need to know how to converse with her parents and seek the permission on plans. And they should make the plans.
Even though I can’t change the upcoming Sadie Hawkins event and my daughter will take part in the fun, I do think it is important to raise the conversation. We need to see the wider implications set by the precedent of what seems like a harmless girls ask boys dance.
Let’s help our daughters see the value in a future man who will lead and help our sons know it’s their job! And wherever possible let this be the practice.