Thanks to a dear friend I have been dubbed The NPW, aka, The Naughty Pastor’s Wife.
You may not see me this way. But I am.
I am a sinner just like you. With ugly thoughts and an impure heart. I don’t always love the church or my family the way I should. I don’t always say the right thing or reach out to everyone who needs a friend. And to be perfectly honest sometimes I spiral downward into my own selfishness wishing others would reach out to me.
So there you have it. I’m sorry if I burst your bubble of who you think I am or how a pastor’s wife should be. But when I read the article: Nine Secrets Your Pastor’s Wife Wishes You Knew posted on Facebook earlier this week it resonated so closely to ways I often feel it was worth re-posting and hasn’t left me.
While many Christians strive hard trying to be perfect and sin-free, pastor’s wives wish you would see we are imperfect and sinful – just like everyone else! But we, along with our husbands and children, are often put on pedestals and therefore when we sin in the same ways as anyone else, it is worse or more surprising.
That is a lot of pressure to live under with not a lot of grace given. Praise Jesus that He has given me unlimited forgiveness and His righteousness so I am free to screw up. I am free to be exactly who He has made me to be. And I am thankful for those who allow me to be that person and for my husband and kids to be who they are.
WIth that being said, a few things I want to elaborate on from the above mentioned article:
1. We need friends. It is absolutely a lonely and isolating calling. We carry lots of other people’s burdens, many of which must remain private. All weigh heavily on us emotionally and affect our moods and relationships. Yet we have very few to help carry ours or even see that we need it. Furthermore, sometimes instead of being the one expected to do the inviting it would be so nice to have others initiate and include us in plans. I promise we are fun!
2. As I say that I must add a disclaimer – don’t invite us on Saturday. Sundays can be long and exhausting, but Saturdays often stink, too. It’s a work-day for my husband, which means that is when I am a single-mom carting kids to sports, birthday parties, cooking and cleaning house especially if we are having Sunday lunch guests. It also means we can’t enjoy a normal date night or party like other people do, which makes carving out time for our marriage even more challenging.
3. We can’t be Jesus to everyone. Though not being able to help everyone makes us feel like we are failing. The reality is the body of Christ is called to be the hands and feet; the pastor is called to preach the Word. As a pastor’s wife, I fall in to the catagory of hands and feet, but I am still just one person. Therefore, I can’t possibly minister to my family and everyone inside and outside of the church who wants me to be by their side. Won’t the body step up and see this is not just our calling?
4. Lastly, we do take things personally. Sometimes sinfully so. But the church is our baby so when we experience criticism, disinterest and avoidance it hurts. This does not mean there is not a place for honest dialogue and critique and if you do attend our church that is prefered over unexplained disappearances. So please don’t run or hide. And whether you attend our church or not it is nice to be asked about church in the same way others are asked about their jobs.
The author of the article concluded that a pastor’s wife wants to be known. And I would re-emphasize – known as a fellow broken sinner, sitting in the same boat and struggling with the same things.
A Naughty Pastor’s Wife, I may be, but I am Redeemed and want to live life redemptively and honestly alongside you. So though I’ve shared that we carry many burdens, please don’t let that stop you from sharing with me or your pastor’s wife. Instead, I hope in seeing me as I am, you will know I am safe and not shocked by sin. And therefore with no condemnation and covered by His blood, we will experience freedom and friendship together.
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