By now the whole world has heard and probably seen Miley Cyrus’ performance at the VMAs. I didn’t watch it Sunday night and it hadn’t even crossed my mind to comment on the already over-talked about act. But last night when I saw several Facebook postings about the word “twerk” being new to them and many unsure of the definition (though Miley showed us pretty clearly) I realized I had something to say…
We all seem to be shaking our heads at Miley for introducing “twerking” to the world. The sad reality is though, twerking is common place not just among many performers, but with high school and middle schoolers everywhere!
Have you ever heard of a line grind? Twerk team? I bet even if you haven’t been to a teenage dance party lately you’ve seen social media photos of girls posed with their rears sticking out. Our teenagers know this word and a majority see nothing wrong with it. This for me makes the problem a whole lot more personal than what Miley does.
Why are we appalled at her behavior, but either don’t know what is going on with our own kids or turn a blind eye to it? Or, worse, don’t see it as that big of a deal.
Wake up, parents!
Your child may not be performing on national television, but if she is dancing in this way she is seeking the same attention. She is looking to find her worth in her sex appeal, in being desired, in being talked about. None will ever be enough to satisfy because the God-shaped hole in all of our hearts can only be filled by God. Apart from Him, the insatiable appetite to fill the void will only lead to more drastic measures and a greater degree of seeking.
Help your daughter see these as “idols” ruling her heart. Help her understand that succumbing to this behavior will not give “life” or cause her to be cherished by a guy. Instead she is bringing harm by objectifying herself and leading guys to undress her in their minds.
Yes, I just said that.
And quite frankly that is exactly what happens when guys see a girl dance in this way or when they see a girl dressed immodestly. And our daughters need to know this!
As a mother of a daughter and sons, my husband has helped me see it this way so that I better understand the mind of boys. And I want to take it back to creation because boys get a bad rap.
God created males to be driven my sight. Essentionally what Adam said when he SAW Eve was,
“WHOA! OH MY! Finally, This IS now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…”
And if you’ve ever read Song of Solomon it may have surprised you that it is included in the Bible. But this is God’s design… in the context of marriage God declares it very good for a man to be captivated by his wife.
So now my boy-mom perspective… If boys are made this way by God, we should not make them feel dirty for the way they are wired. However, Satan seeks to take their God-given appeal by sight to lead them in to sinful lust. Which is not a hard job with what is so easily accessible on the internet and television. Then add real live girls they know constantly putting themselves before the boys in the way they dance or in what they wear and there is no escape for our sons!
In light of this, what our boys and our girls need is not just to be told to behave better… stop lusting, don’t dance provocatively, dress in less revealing clothes. This is just “law” that will not change their hearts’ inclination. Instead we need to help them see what is driving their desire in how they dance or dress or the temptation to look at porn. We need to help them believe that through Christ they have been accepted by God and only His delight in them will satisfy and give life.
When we know we are abundantly loved by Him, that our sin is covered by His righteous robes and He never stops pouring out his grace on us, the hole will be filled. We will stop looking to fill it in all the wrong places. We won’t need other people’s approval. Our girls won’t have to have a boy’s attention to feel good about herself. Our boys will see the deception of pornography masquerading as only what God designed to be good in marriage.
As I hit on in my earlier post this week our job is to protect our kids in every sense of that word. So take Miley’s performance as divine mercy if these are issues you need to think through and address with your kids.
Two additional well-written worth-reading related blog posts: When Girls Go Wild and Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you
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