If you know me well you can vouch for this, but I am by nature an organized person and typically get a lot done in a day. I have set days for gym workouts and running, and set days for laundry. I plan my meals for the week on Sundays and go to the store on Mondays.
Even on the busiest of weeks by sticking to my routine, I typically manage to still keep our household running smoothly with scheduled down-time for me. The problem is when my schedule is interrupted.
I would like to say I am flexible, but to be honest most of the time I’m just not. Having an unexpected responsibility or agenda item thrown at me last minute is one of the few things that rattle me. Because I work so hard to perfectly plan to keep things under control when someone or something interrupts that plan I spin out of control.
So let me share what happened the other day which led to me having to give up the reigns of control…once again.
Next week my daughter and I along with another mother/daughter duo are conducting our third annual “Girls Camp.” It’s a backyard 3-day camp for younger girls to come play, swim, do crafts and lunch. And it’s a way for my daughter and her friend to make and save money toward their not-so-far-off-in-the-future-now cars!
Girls Camp is a huge undertaking that requires a couple months of planning as we want it to be well-worth it for our campers each year. The week of Girls Camp takes me out of my home and regular schedule, but I plan for that. The hardest part though is not being available to my boys who will be somewhat stuck at home. But again it is 3 days, Tuesday-Thursday; totally doable.
The problem is this past Wednesday night my work schedule for the next week was emailed out. Though I had requested off, the store where I work part-time is doing its annual inventory next week.
Well, guess who got scheduled to work on the two days I don’t have Girls Camp, Monday and Friday, but also a 5-10AM shift on Wednesday?
Yes, I panicked!
- The Wednesday shift is early, but more concerning to me is having to be late to Girls Camp.
- The Monday shift is when I has planned to help set up for Girls Camp and doing any final errands, plus I need to have my house in order for the Bible study I host that night.
- And the Friday shift is the day before my three kids leave for camp for two weeks and that is the only time I have to get them completely packed… not to mention spend some time with them!
Do you see why I was stressed???
Over and over again God allows circumstances to disrupt my perfectly ordered agenda. And typically for a few hours or maybe a couple days, I grumble and stress and take it out on my family; never once turning to Him in prayer.
Why am I so slow to turn to Him in dependance?
This is what He wants. And it is in only Him that I will find the abundance of His grace to handle everything thrown my way. And its in Him that I will find wisdom and discernment and strength and patience to move forward.
So why do I forget this and keep trying to do it on my own?
This is what sanctification is about..continual, life-long, growing in grace. Because we will never arrive and we can never do it on our own, we must constantly be reminded and humbled that we need Him.
This morning I see that, yesterday I could not. This morning I feel at rest, yesterday I was anxious and snappy. This morning I need to repent of that, yesterday I was still acting in self-reliance.
Thank you, Jesus, for opening my eyes this morning to my need. And thank you, that you never tire of showing me again and again when I forget again and again!
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